Friday, January 29, 2010
What can I say about Murf?
I was saddened to hear the news today about my friend. I had no idea he was battling cancer, I wish I had known. Indeed he was too young, but it's doesn't matter how long you live, what's more important is the quality of the life he lived while here on earth. I enjoyed his camaraderie, I admired his dedication to his referee profession, his service to his community, and his positive outlook on life. Murf worked hard, he attended all the clinics and he never turned back a match. I remember how proud he was to earn his Grade 7, it was a competitive U19B match, two cross-town rivals who hated each other, Pleasanton Ballistics and ACC Mavericks. I thought for sure punches were going to fly. Murf used his charm, good nature and tall-stature to win-over the players and parents to maintain control of the match. Murf was perhaps the only referee who thought that a "Fun Run" was supposed to be fun. He wore his iPod during the long run, which really annoyed me because I thought he should be running his butt off. After the second lap or so, I couldn't help but chuckle because he looked so goofy dancing to the beat around the track. I miss you my friend, thank you for being there for me.
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Well indeed very sad also very shocking to see such a great person be taken away by cancer.We were both coaching comp teams with our oldest sons. His younger son and my middle son were under 8's so we started to coach together.That's when I found out how much Murf loved soccer and how much energy he brought to the soccer field. Yes I enjoyed every single minute that we spent on a soccer field together. I will never forget the first time he centered a house match in Antioch. I was laughing the entire game because he was so funny making all kinds of comments to players,coaches and also parents. At the end of the game I went up to him and he wanted to know how he did. Well Murf you did great you made the game so much fun for everybody but there's only one problem this was a house game. When you go and referee a Competition match the visiting team is not going to think your funny at all so you might want to keep those comments to a minimal. Well we all know what happend, he never took my advice and I'm glad he never did.
ReplyDeleteYes he was a great friend and I will miss him dearly
ADIOS MURF
Eduardo Zerbini
We all need guys like Murph in our referee brethren. He could lighten up any game and any clinic with his smile and charm.
ReplyDeleteHe made the game fun and we all know that is sometimes in short supply with all the serious that goes on the field in today's competitive environment.
I cracked a joke with a player last week after getting hit by a pass and he did not know what to do. I dont think a ref had ever appeared human to him before....
Peace be with you Murph.
Kevin Rockwell
Murph was the ONLY ref I ever saw who could talk to two warring opponents quietly, and get them laughing by the time he was done.
ReplyDeleteGod speed to you on the next part of the ride.
Richard Marnhout
I know whenever I saw his name in a crew I was assigned with I was in for a good day and a solid/dedicated performance.
ReplyDeleteI still remember my worst weather day of reffing out at Freedom in a freezing/windy/rainy night game… and Murpf was my AR. We happily commiserated about surviving the match and were talking about it for years after with a memory of bonding and brotherhood.
When I mentioned Murph's passing to my daughter who is now a senior in HS, I didn't expect her to recall Murph... but she did and remembered his good nature and levity. To quote her... in teenage speak... 'Awww, I liked him he was nice'.
Many refs go by as nothing but a shirt and a whistle to the players, but Murf was more than that.
On Friday night, I was talking with my fellow refs while preparing for an evening HS game. It was cold, rainy... and I think... Hmmm Murph?!
Stay dry Murph!
You'll be missed.
Rich Bernat
Murph was a perfect example of a true roll model, acually there for the KIDS and the true love of the game! Wish there were more out there like him. He has made a positive impact on many youth soccer players. HE will truly be misssed by the whole soccer community.
ReplyDeleteUntil now I did not know your first name was Marlon. You were and always will be simply Murph, smiling and always happy to be alive and refereeing a match despite weather conditions or foul tempered coaches and/or players. You were a positive influence on the game, to fellow referees, to players, coaches and most of all to me as a friend. I will miss you Murph.
ReplyDeleteJack Northrup
I'm heartbroken. Our brotherhood is reduced by one man and viewed from the perspective of this brother, a giant of a man. Murph personified the fun-loving attitude that all of us aspire to in every match that we referee and, at least for me, never truly attain. I am going to miss you, Murph.
ReplyDeleteMichael Cook
Murf was truly one of a kind - off the curve - a real character. He always did his best to make the games and the work behind running a league fun. He'd inject humor into a game like a stand up comic for those that were either wrapped a little too tight on OR off the field. While his methods weren't exactly textbook they taught us all a thing or two and gave us a different perspective to consider. Make sure you're having fun, and make it fun for those around you.
ReplyDeleteMurf was always working on his game and could help you with yours. I don't know if I've ever seen a ref get hit by the ball more than Murf. I remember him talking at a clinic about advice an assessor gave him to keep turning to the right to reduce getting hit. It wasn't clear how this turning was going keep from getting hit by the ball but he was giving it a try. He still seemed to be a ball magnet try as he may and he did try. If you were looking for advice he was a good source for a discussion. It'd go something like this - Ya know that's a good question. They used to say you should do it that way, but now they tell you to do it this way, but here's what works for me. I was doing this game and ..... ' He was always good for a story or two or three.
He'd take our newest referees under his wing and help them out. They'd get lots of positive feedback on the things going well, some constructive feedback on things to work on and an injection of his bubbly energy and keep it fun attitude.
One of his legacy's is the 'Crazy 8's' tournament. He ran these when he was the U8 director in Delta. The little ones would get a day to experience something a little different - Murf style. They'd get several shorter games, refs for a day, hanging out with the team between games, picnicking at the park, and getting a taste of what they could look forward to as they got older. Fun, Murf style, a little crazy, was the order of the day. A couple of years ago his tradition was revived and is rolling again.
I hope he keeps an eye on us from above and sends down those one liners when we start getting too serious and losing perspective on the fun. So the next time you see a situation heading the wrong way you might want to think - What would Murf do? Picture it. Hear it. At the least it should put a goofy smile on your face. It just might get you to a better place.
Happy trails my friend. May our paths cross again. Thank you for everything Murf.
Scott Bartlebaugh
I was really sad to hear about Murph's passing. I will always remember him and have thought about him since leaving the Bay Area. I always encouraged him to challenge himself with higher level games and was happy that he did take the challenge and upgrade. I will always remember his style of refereeing the humor and his sheer enjoyment of the game. I also remember the clinics and the fun runs. He certainly brought the fun side to refereeing and maybe we need more of that. His smile and laugh will not be forgotten. God Bless Murph and his family.
ReplyDeleteNorm Jolicoeur
When Murph was always optimistic and in good spirits. He added his humor,grace, and personality to any game that he officiated. If I was assigned a game with him, I knew we would officiate a solid game and have a good time in the process. Good bye sweet prince.
ReplyDeleteBob Wong
By the end of the first night of the entry level clinic Murf attended, I thought to myself, "This is going to be fun." By the end of the clinic I recognized a gentleman who was not only serious about the craft but who also had an irrepressible joy in learning it. He brought smiles and laughter on more than occassion during the class. When I found myself passing a field where he was officiating, I just had to stop and watch, even if only for a few minutes. I cannot remember leaving without shaking my head and grinning. I consider him my friend and will miss those discussions and times we had together. He truly embodied the expression: For the Good of the Game.
ReplyDeleteJack Montgomery
Seven years ago as rookie referee I was invited to a D4 clinic. Within minutes of being at the meeting I knew I needed to be a part of the group. “Murf” was the first person I met that day, he came right up and introduced himself. Looking back and knowing Murf, how could anyone miss him? His smile and laughter was contagious, his compassion for the game was unbeatable and he put everyone around him in a better mood. I looked forward to seeing him each time and we always made a point of touching base and enjoying some laughter together. I was lucky to have refereed with him on a few occasions and each was memorable. On one occasion I watched Murf Ref my daughters match, her team was beaten badly that day but all the parents left with a smile having watched the Murf show. Murf my friend and colleague we will miss you but if they play soccer in heaven than you probably have a game tonight so good luck and hopefully it will be dryer than some of our games together.
ReplyDeleteDave Dunning
In 1997, shortly after I returned to this area from 13 years of living in Central Oregon, I attended my first modern California refresher clinic in Antioch. I’m not sure of the exact venue but think it was Sutter Elementary School with another one of the wonderful Murphys (“great guy” John) as the head instructor. Anyway, I got lost on the way over there from Clayton and arrived late.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know a soul at the clinic and I sat down in the back of the room. At the first break all those who knew one went into their various comfort zones to chat and I was left alone to try to figure out how I could fit in.
Our brother Murph didn't seem to like that! In his wonderful gregarious way he came over to introduce himself and to make me feel welcome on “Murph’s Turf” as he called it.
I told him that I had gotten confused with the driving directions and wasn’t sure how to get back to Clayton. He said something like, “It’s easy man, just go to Chichibu Park and then you’ve got it made.” I said, “Chichi who?” And Murph said, “Chichibu, Chichibu, anyone can find Chichibu, even you!” and he launched into one of his famous rap dances, if you can call them that.
Over these many years Murph greeted me at every referee meeting with a hug if he could but always with something like, “Mr. Rivers, I’m so honored that you'd show up and I'm sure glad you didn’t get lost coming here.”
My last game with Murph was just about a year ago as I was his assistant referee in a cold, wind-driven rain night match at a Miramonte HS. Murph was being Murph, rocking and rolling and laughing and dancing. Once, during the first few minutes, he had actually fallen as he tried to avoid being hit by the ball but get hit he did. He did a clumsy but complete somersault, bounced back to his feet with that ever present smile on his face and then teased the contrite player about “trying to assassinate me”. As we stood like drowning rats in the cold wind and pouring rain behind the goal waiting for the Miramonte girls to come out from the comfort of their warm and dry locker room to begin the second half Murph said to me, “Man this sure is fun!”
I still fondly remember that first wonderful meeting in Antioch. He is gone but his memory will linger on. All of our days are numbered and I hope to see him once again at that version of Chichibu Park where he will be saving a place for us.
Roger Rivers
Murph had the middle on the BCL-East womens semi-finals last spring at Athenian. Our school photographer got some great shots of him doing
ReplyDeletehis thing. Just look at his face, you can tell he was loving every minute of it.
I was there as a parent and spectator and said hi to Murph before the game. He was so excited for the assignment he even ran a warmup lap around the field.
In the photo where he has his yellow card out, he had just finished booking my daughter who is standing just behind him. I went to talk to him after the game with this serious scowl on my face. For a second he wasn't sure what to expect, then he burst out laughing and so did I. It was a good card and we both knew it.
I'll keep his memory by trying to match his enthusiasm and attitude for every game that I get to do.
Like many, I was deeply saddened to hear the news. As I looked at the pictures that are posted (thanks for posting them)I can't help but notice how everyone around Murf is smiling. I can't help but smile now. We lost a great person. Last year when it was time for me to upgrade, I wanted to have 2 AR's that I can count on. I only made 2 calls to fill those slots, and Murf was one of them. All he said was "When and Where?" followed by, "Everything is gonna be alright!".
ReplyDeleteHis enthusiasm and laughter were contagiuous.. I know that many, many, players and parents recognize Murf as "the funny guy". He had "Style and Technique" on the pitch, that would only work for him and nobody else.
I know without doubt, that Murf, is still putting smiles on peoples faces, no matter where he is... I am glad to have had the oppurtunity to call you friend.. We will miss you Murf....
I worked my first game with Murph 3 years ago (he was the NRP). His pregame started, and to this day I remember it clearly; "I referee a little different then other people" followed by a sinister like chuckle "I have fun, and you will have fun too". WE did!
ReplyDeleteSo long to a great person and a person who always carried oneself with dignity and respect for the game, life and all participants of both. You are missed!
Steve Smith
I knew Murph, as a lot of us do, through the sport he loved. When I first met Murph I was his A/R and I really didn’t know what to think or how to act. His pregame was one of kind. By the time the match had finished I could tell that Murph had a special type of demeanor on the field unlike anyone I have ever see before or since. Murph once told me that every ref you work with will leave you with something……then he laughed and said, “Sometimes that something isn’t very good”. I remember a game at Heritage High a few years ago when, as an A/R, I called an offside and the coach, 60 yards away, yelled at me in disagreement. Murph blew his whistle and said to the coach in his funny way, “Coach, that badge on his shirt means he went to school and knows when to put that flag up”. Only Murph could say that and get away with it. The coach started laughing, looked at me and said, “Sorry ref won’t happen again”. A couple years ago I recruited Murph to help out with the City of Brentwood Recreation Adult League. If you have ever officiated a recreational adult league match you know it definitely requires restraint and control and Murph was the best I’ve ever seen. It’s obvious to coaches, players, fans and peers alike that Murph had a special flair about himself that everyone respected. We talked a lot and I knew last adult league season that he was battling hard against cancer. Private in this battle his strength and courage left a deep impression on me. I am a better person for knowing you Murph and I will miss you. See ya on the pitch my friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat can you say about Murph that everyopne already doesn't know. This man had a way with the kids and fans. When he did make a mistake he would look at you and show those pure white teeth with an ear to ear smile. This would always make you sit back down and shut up because how do yell a a person thats smiling and always giving it his all. If only all the officials in all sports would take a lesson from Murph on how to ENJOY the game and have fun with the players then things wouyld be that much better in the world.
ReplyDeleteMurph as an assignor were going to miss you alot, you were an assignors official took all games never cancelled and never had complaint calls. Hope your up there spreading your joy and ref'n a match or two.
Your friend
Ken Leffle
I think it's hard enough being a referee when a call goes one way the other side never sees things that way. Any and everyone who plays competition will recognize Murf and will miss him dearly. He was special because he made everyone realize it was a game and it is suppose to be fun.
ReplyDeleteHis lighthearted nature and outlook on life is contagious and wish many more learned from the example he set for all of us. Yes we love the game and he reminded us that regardless of what happened on the field the day was to be enjoyed. Thank you Murph for all you did, we'll see ya again in the afterlife no doubt joking about our obstacles in this life.
His memorial will be attended by many for he touched many lives, see ya there..
I always enjoyed playing when Murph was the Ref...I'd catch myself listening to his ongoing monologue with the various memebrs on both teams, instead of watching the ball - a great ref!
ReplyDeleteGone far too soon. Murph was truly a prince. He invariably had a twinkle in his eye and an infectious smile. He was always willing to laugh and you could not help but join him in his laughter. You were constantly reminded that soccer was something to be enjoyed. I always looked forward to my days with Murph.
ReplyDeleteI always tried to get him for the matches between tough highly competative opponents because I had faith that he would help them enjoy the day on the green. He would make them smile and laugh and enjoy the game - no other alternative. I am sure that they have lots of soccer fields in heaven and surely Murph is booked for every match.
Peace be with you and keep smiling.
Pepe Cadamartori
ReplyDeleteIt is not often that I get teary, but after reading all the notes honoring Murf, my heart hurts, and yes, I cried. There is very little to add, except to say that our soccer games will never be the same without Murf’s smile and sense of humor. He made laugh even when I did not like his call. There was just no way to be mad at Murf. He was a beautiful man.
The first or second high school I refereed was with Murph and I was quite intimidated when I first met him. He immediately put me at ease with his great sense of humor before, during and after the match. He had the uncanny ability to get along with everybody on the pitch - players, coaches and parents, too. No one could possibly stay mad at Murph! I'll always remember his big, white smile and they way he coud calm everyone down with his unique demeanor. We will miss him!
ReplyDeleteJohn Antaki
I first met Murph when when he was the DYSL Under-8 Director. I had registered by daughter late that year for soccer and wasn't sure if she would get on a team. Murph called me and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is I got your daughter on a team. The bad news is, there is no coach". I told him I didn't grow up playing soccer and didn't know much about it. He told me how much fun it would be. After a little persuading Murph convinced me to coach the team.
ReplyDeleteIt was then that he told me the team would be co-ed and the only color uniform left was pink. Naturally, we became the Pink Panthers. I've been coaching ever since. That daughter is now a sophomore in college. I'm now coaching my third daughter in soccer. He was right. It is fun.
Over the years, I would run into Murph and we would chat soccer. He refereed some of my games over the years and my girls couldn't help but laugh when Murph worked our games. I have never seen someone have so much fun reffing a game.
Eventully, I got my referee license and Murph gave us an in-service clinic that year. His enthusiasm and love for the game of soccer was obvious when you first heard him speak of the game. I had the pleasure of working high school and club games with him.
Thank you Murph for passing on your love of soccer to me and my family. You will be missed.
Jim Bonwell
As a referee for our adult co-ed soccer games, Murph's message to us all was "rec-re-ation, people.... this is rec-re-ation!". You see, many of the contestants forget this simple fact, thinking they are playing in the World Cup... and Murph had to work hard in his unique way to remind us. Still runs through my head in every game we play without him.... thanks Murph.. it's really simple.
ReplyDeleteMike Geraghty
Safe, fair and fun - the three most desired virtues of a well-officiated soccer game.
ReplyDeleteMany have written about the first two.
Murph, with God-given talents, proved that refereeing a soccer game with fun is NOT a myth.
Armed with his heavy arsenal of cracker-jack one-liners, Murph easily converts every call, every no-call into the right call.
He actually made the games seem more fun, more fair and more safe.
To para-phase an often-used soccer referee lingo, I would like to say, "I heard you twice the first time, Murph!"
...........and I thank you, Murph.
Albert Ng
I remember Murph. He was always smiling and a little goofy and always made anyone feel good to be alive. What a totally great guy. I knew him only briefly and I'm sure he is missed by all. As long as he is resting peacefully we can find some peace in his passing knowing he is no longer suffering. We'll miss you Murph.
ReplyDeleteKeri Miles
As everyone has stated it was Murph's sense of humor that I will remember the best. It was not only his best defense when it came to disruptive coaches and complaining parents. It was a constant reminder that this was only a game and we are just there to have fun. When I referee I never forget that. It keeps the sting off the complaints fromt he sideline.
ReplyDeleteI will always remember the something Murph told me about being a referee. "You are never as dumb as those on the sides say you are, and you are never as smart as you think you are"
John Jones
I've been an AR for a couple of high school matches where the Center Referee has held a moment of silence before kick-off in Murf's honor. I know Murf is truly humbled as he watches over his fellow referee brothers and sisters.
ReplyDeleteWow! The news blew me away. This post isn't soccer related. I just wanted to pass along my thoughts on Marlon. I've known him for many years. He was a part of a group of skiers who all hung out at various ski resorts. Like many have said, he was a engaging character. Lovely personality and wit. Always willing to help and make sure everyone was okay. What a great guy and to have to lose him so early in life. We'll miss you Murph.
ReplyDeleteWayne Duckworth
I too am blown away. I knew Murph for years and enjoyed great days of skiing, laughing and road trips with Murph. I was just talking about him this weekend on a chair lift at Squaw. He was such a character in every positive definition of the word. As has been displayed here, he will be sorely missed by all that knew him and those who don't know of his latest move to the great beyond. Before there was soccer, his passion was skiing and he approached it in the same engaging, full throttle Murph way that he embraced soccer. He's the 4th member of our group to go too soon. I'm sure that Ray, Coach and Spider met him at the gate in heaven, where I hope every day is a great powder day.
ReplyDeleteImara Yokely
He was a close friend and fellow skier! He showed me where to buy my first golf clubs, and how to hit the ball. He was always up beat and had a smile for everyone he met. I am lucky to have many videos of him on skis, and on trips to ski resorts. He is missed!!! I wish him deep power, and enough vertical to enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteDon Pilkinton